Saturday, January 31

Sky's Cousin
 
Sky's Cousin is back in the good books again, now that I've seen the Red Blooded Woman film clip numerous times and decided it's genius.

Reasons Why:

- It makes the song seem less crap.
- There's no robot dancing! There's ACTUAL dancing! Rejoice! Robot dancing is dead!
- Her hair is back to a good colour
- RAGE this morning contrasted it with Toxic, which is CRAP. Sometimes you just have to be compared to Britney to release how great you are. - A word, please. - M.

Long live Sky's cousin!



LETTER WARS!:
 
Should you find yourself near a branch of WHSmiths this week, go in, and have a look in the NMEvil (they won't mind, honest!).

Patrick Wolf has written them a letter.

It's brilliant.

A GENUINE SUPERSTAR RETURNS:
 


Are you listening, Everybody Who Has Been On The Cover Of The NME Since Celebrity Skin Was Released?

Is this the part in the book that you wrote,
When I'm gonna come and save the day?
Did you miss me?
Did you miss me?
Well they say that rock is dead,
And they're probably right...


Rock on, sister!

Friday, January 30

Garage Music
 
The latest in the long line of Neighbours characters to release a cd, Stu has released a compilation disc of some of his favourite songs! It's Life Mechanics - The Soundtrack!

Get Into Gear with the following songs:

1. Bumper To Bumper - Spice Girls
2. Get Out Of My Dreams, Get Into My Car - Billy Ocean
3. Freelove Freeway - David Brent
4. Cars - Gary Numan
5. Sex Drive - Dead Or Alive
6. I Drove All Night - Cyndi Lauper
7. The Long And Winding Road - The Beatles

8. Little Red Corvette - Prince
9. Rev It Up - B*Witched
10. Highway To The Dangerzone - Kenny Loggins
11. I Drive Myself Crazy - Nsync
12. Freeway Of Love - Aretha Franklin
13. End Of The Road - Boys II Men
14. Red Light, Green Light - Nikki Webster
15. Crusin - Gwyneth Paltow & Huey Lewis



Cameron Adams Against Britney - An Investigation
 
Well, not so much an investigation, as a complaint.

You see, once upon a time, HiT was a place of Britney worship. Part of the reason I grew so obsessive about HiT was that CA honestly, truly LOVED Britney. I mean, the score card was:

Baby One More Time: *****
Ooops I Did It Again: ****
Slave For You: *****
Overprotected: ****
Boys: ***1/2

And then, all of a sudden he's turned. There's not a week goes by that there's not a nasty comment about Britney. Which usually I wouldn't mind, I mean I make them myself, but with CA it's so hypocritical considering he always stuck up for her.

From this week, from a review about Justin's live DVD: 'I'm Loving It - The worst thing he's done since Britney' Hmmm. I don't like this bandwagon jumping CA, one little bit.

Thursday, January 29

Pop Mechanics With Stu
 
Missing the Life Mechanics storyline? Never fear! We've got Stuart in to give some advice to the world's popstars - Life Mechanics style!

Hi Stu. Bit of a tough one today. You see, my fave member of Five is in QUITE a bit of trouble. Do you have any idea where it all went wrong for Abs?

Oh. Say no more.

Say no more?

He released a song called Stop Sign. It's obviously all over. I mean, maybe if it was a Give Way sign, or Roadworks Ahead even. Kangaroos Next 4km....

But Stu... doesn't everyone come across a Stop Sign on the road of life at some point?

No, that's only if you've put your own brakes on, and ran out of gas.

Oh. So...that's it? No more advice for Abs? There's nothing he can do?

No. I'm sorry

Oh well, thanks anyway.

Double Fault
 
Uh-Oh:



It seems that Pat Cash has been giving Delta Goodrem a few serves, blaming her for MM's loss at the Oz Open. Well, Scud has returned the serve, telling Patrick to fuck the hell off. Delta is also very angry about this, delivering a couple of backhands herself. Will Scud and Delta continue to play doubles? Can the love match survive, or will it all be over in straight sets?

DO ME:
 


Hands down the best white rapper ever.

ARGH! HELP! (REPRISE):
 
Dee - 'Crashed The Wedding' (There Goes My Wig Remix).

Am I the only person who would really like to hear this?

AGREED:
 
Crappest Storyline Since Life Mechanics: Summer's first boyfriend. My God they are giving this way too much screentime. It is LAME. And quite creepy, really. Who wants to know about, much less see, this much of a 12 year old's love life? - Crystal.

A hideous storyline, made worse by the fact that the kid playing Summer's boyfriend is a worse actor than the kid who played Lou's Daughter (bearing in mind Lou's Daughter was four or five when she retired).

Wednesday, January 28

Some Advice....
 
Now that Dee and Taj have both left Ramsay St for music careers, it's clear that a colaboration is in order. I've concluded that the only way they are going to have any sort of musical success is if they release a duet of Busted Covers:



Tracklisting:

1. Crashed The Wedding (Car): Dee Feat. Taj
2. What I Go To School For: Taj Feat. Dee
3. Crashed The Wedding (Car) - There Goes My Wig Remix
4. What I Go To School For - Detention 12" Mix
5. Neighbours Theme Song - Techno Dub

Talkin' Tennis
 


We've gone a little quiet on the tennis coverage the past few days. The reason being that I'm quite fed up with it, after recent results -- Lleyton: Gone. Marky Mark: Gone. A-Rod: Gone.

The men's draw has completely gone to shit, and I'm not sitting around to watch Andre Agassi win for the 4th time in 5 years.

Our hopes now all lie with one woman:



Go Aussie Kim!

Taj's Final Days - Huh?
 
Since Friday's episode, there's been no sighting, no mention...just...nothing. So... that was it? Wow, that was without doubt the crappest farewell to a Neighbours character ever. Fitting, really.

There was a hilarious reference to Life Mechanics. I'm really beginning to miss that storyline.

Crappest Storyline Since Life Mechanics: Summer's first boyfriend. My God they are giving this way too much screentime. It is LAME. And quite creepy, really. Who wants to know about, much less see, this much of a 12 year old's love life?

OH! OH! Good news: the world's ugliest baby, the kid who played Ben, is being replaced while Libby is off screen. The new Ben will be older, and able to talk. And less ugly. Do you know what would rock? If Libby returned with a new baby.....Taj's! Damn that criminal mastermind for leaving.

ARGH! HELP!:
 


I was told today that Dee's debut is already in circulation.

Tuesday, January 27

I Miss James And Andrew
 
It's only been 3 episodes, but I'm pretty sure I hate Ryan Seacrest.
Why are we even GETTING American Idol? It's crap.







Ambitions...
 

Watch out, Spice Girls!

I just found this, from when I was 13:

My Greatest Ambitions Are:

1. Make a group like the Spice Girls and be sucessful
2. Go to lots of different countries around the world on tour
3. Say 'You're watching Australia's number one show Video Hits' on Video Hits
4. Meet the Spice Girls one day and sing a song with them
5. Make heaps of money

So...that's none down and five to go. Man, I was so lame.

This Is Unacceptable:
 

A BLAST FROM THE PAVILION'S PAST:
 


This is a super Bonza Album that you will all love!!! Words can not describe Gareth's genious, its truely superb!!!, *****
31/1/2003 - Crystal!!

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO ME? - C

EXCITEMENT ABOUND!:
 
Joe and Melanie - both of whom used to be on Neighbours - were on The Salon today! Joe wanted his hair 'a bit less boufy', and has ginger roots, and Melanie was doing impersonations of the girl that works in the bit with the jacuzzi!

SO OZ AS SOUNDTRACK:

1. Gayle and Gillian - 'Mad If Ya Don't'.
2. Kylie - 'Finer Feelings'.
3. Jason Donovan - 'Too Many Broken Hearts'.
4. Taj - 'What I Go To School For'.
5. Hollow Valance - 'Kiss Kiss'.
6. Nina - 'Innocent Eyes'.
7. The Right Prescription Alan Fletcher - 'Are You Perfectly Comfortable?'.
8. Amiel - 'Lovesong'.
9. Rolf Harris - 'Tie Me Kangaroo Down'.
10. Mercury 4 - 'Get Me Some'.
11. Girlfriend - 'Bad Attitude' (I have it on good authority that this is the Ozzest As song of the lot).
12. Nina - '4 Your Love'.

SO OZ AS!:
 
Happy Australia day!

MICHAEL'S TOP NINE OZ AS FOLK EVER!:



1. Taj Coppin - Could it have been anybody else? (No. No it couldn't).
2. Toyah Wilcox - Biggest legend ever.
3. Rolf Harris - Rolf Harris invented the wobble-board, and played digeridu on Kate Bush's 'The Dreaming'. His official website is bonza, in an extreme. He can do no wrong.
4. Sky - I'll be dyeing my hair black and blue before long.
5. Dannii - The Superior Minogue.
6. Uncool Kylie - excluding everything from Fever onwards, Kylie is one of the world's most perfect pop tarts. Shame she had to go and spoil it all with two shit albums! Oh well.
7. Marilyn, ex-Home & Away - Now pulls pints, behind the bar, on Emmerdale. Which is a shame, really, because she used to wear high heels and run the salon on Home & Away, way back when she was ace.
8. Delta Goodrem - As a Neighbours character, Nina is actually a bit shit. And as a popstar, she's not a great lot of good, either. But, combine the two, and magic occurs. And she becomes brilliant! Hurray for her.
9. Courtney Act - So Oz As Idol's rightful winner. Who didn't win. Oh well.

MICHAEL'S TOP FOUR OZ AS PHRASES!:

Note: Some people will say, 'Real Australian people don't use those phrases'. The same people will try and tell you that real Australian people don't ride their kanga down to the shops to pick up a slab of raw ostrich meat before racing home to watch Neighbours and listen to Kylie, eg. they are liars.

1. BONZA - What else?
2. So Oz As.
3. Ya flamin' gallah!
4. Bouf head.

TOP FIVE OZ AS THINGS!:

1. Crystal, Lauren and the Australian faction of The Love Pavilion.
2. The Pop.
3. Neighbours.
4. Taj.
5. Kangas.

TOP ONE OZ AS CONTESTANT OFF OF I'M A CELEBRITY...GET ME OUT OF HERE!!:

1. Peter Andre - yes, really! If it weren't for the fact that I want Jordan to win, I'd want the nineteenth best So Oz As person to win.

Monday, January 26

Born To SUCK
 
Mark was bad. I mean real bad. Christie Malthouse was moved to use the word 'Lame' to describe his performance. Lame only BEGINS to describe it. Delta was in the crowd, and the phrase 'Love Match', MAY have been used..... say, a couple of million times. In better news, in the spirit of Australia Day, Mike the weatherman described the weather forecast as 'Bonza'.


Farewell To A Criminal
 
On Friday night's episode, when Taj told Stu and Toadie he was leaving, they both gave big speeches to Taj saying how he was the most 'genuine' 'honest' just god-damn-fantastic person they'd ever met. Which made me think...hang on...by this stage, Taj has engaged in so many illegal, immoral activities that he should be in jail by now. And yet, he's never even been PUNISHED, not even slightly, for any of it.

TAJ'S RAP SHEET:

- Stalking, two counts of - Ok, stalking is illegal isn't it? Taj stalked first of all Nina, and second of all Libby. He followed them around at night, waited in the bushes outside their houses... I mean, that's just not cool. And yet there were absolutely no consequences for this behavior.

- Crippling - You could say this was an accident, but come on, there wasn't even an investigation! Taj put Lori in a wheelchair for MONTHS. And sure, he felt a little guilty, but Lori was all like 'hey, don't worry about it Taj'. Once again, Taj gets off scott free.

- Sleeping With A Teacher - Most students would get expelled from the school if they slept with a teacher, but no one even FOUND OUT what Taj had done. Only Susan knew, and she let him get off with a tiny little lecture! This was unacceptable behavior, and Taj gets away with it completely.

- Cheating On Exams - Ok, this was a big deal. Taj cheated on his final year 12 exams. That is ILLEGAL, IMMORAL, and wrong. And guess what? Taj does not get punished at all! In fact, someone offers him a job because of it!

What the fuck? Taj is a criminal. A lying, cheating, dangerous criminal. And no one in Erinsborough remembers, or cares. Darcy went to jail for lesser crimes.

Australia Day
 
Well, it's Australia Day. Probably one of the most pointless public holidays we have, really. What IS the point of it? The accolades have already been handed out. Australian Of The Year: Steve Waugh. REAL Australian Of The Year: Millsy. But I digress. How are WE going to celebrate Australia Day? Hopefully by MM, Lleyton and Aussie Kim winning the tennis, and also with this special presentation:

TOP 10 AUSTRALIAN ALBUMS....EVER

I've thought LONG and HARD about this (well kinda). Each artist is only allowed one entry each, otherwise the top 8 would of been Kylie albums. Speaking of...

1. Kylie Minogue - Rhythm Of Love
Yes, the best Australian album of all time is Rhythm Of Love! I don't care if no one agrees! At least I didn't put Body Language. Though it was close. ROL is Kylie's best work though - Step Back In Time, Better The Devil, What Do I Have To Do, and of course....One Boy Girl. Celebrate Australia day by listening to Kylie's first ever attempt to rap. Hey Yo Kylie!

2. Pete Murray - Feeler
Yes, ok, so I only got it yesterday. But it's brilliant! Honestly! It contains the official Best Song Ever, and ten other top tunes as well.




3. Delta Goodrem - Innocent Eyes
This could very well be the best debut album in history. Delta is bonza for so many reasons: Having Love Matches, being on Neighbours, and recording Lost Without You, one of the greatest songs ever. Gary Barlow and Elliot Kennedy are behind most of the songs on this album, which is why it is so excellent.


4. Darren Hayes - Spin
Underrated, is the word that comes to mind here. Darren goes and makes an almost perfect pop album, and hardly anyone cares! You're missing out if you don't own this, the 4th greatest Aussie album ever.



5. Girlfriend - Make It Come True
The Spice Girls before The Spice Girls. 'When you've got Girl Power, keep on getting offers by the hour'. This isn't quite Spiceworld, but it's definitely as good as Spice. Best song by miles: Bad Attitude.



6. Natalie Imbruglia - White Lilies Island
No one bought this either! And they should have, it's truly great, and I HATE Natalie Imbruglia. CA gave it 4 and 1/2 stars though, so I was down to the record store quicker than you can say 'But you don't even LIKE Natalie Imbruglia, dude'.



7. Dannii Minogue - Neon Nights
Even if it only had I Begin To Wonder and Vibe On on it, this would make the top ten. Yay for Dannii making a great album!




8. Amiel - Audio Out
Boy have I changed my tune on this. A month ago I said it was the 3rd worst album of 2003, and now I love it! Lovesong is without doubt the best song on it, but I actually preferred the non-swearing version that you heard on the radio. 'Stupid love song' works better than 'Fucking love song', I believe.



9. Savage Garden - Savage Garden
Darren Hayes gets around the one album only rule! Well done to him, the bonza. I think I've been giving Darren a free ride for 7 years, based on a comment he made once about liking The Spice Girls. Since then he's been alright with me. Oh yeah, this is a top album. Moon And Back RULES. Unless you're Levi.


10. Silverchair - Freak Show
I actually like all Silverchair's albums, but if I had to chose one, it would be this. Mainly for Abuse Me which was like my favourite song of 97. Then again, I haven't played this album in about 3 years, so perhaps I'm remembering it as being better than it is. I should listen to things before I include them on definitive lists...

Well, that's it. Apologies to Holly Valance and Guy Sebastian. NO apologies to Human Nature.

Sunday, January 25

Come On...
 


We expect better from Cameron Adams employer.

Pop Mechanics With Stu
 
Everyone's favourite Neighbours character is back to solve the problems of the world's popstars - Life Mechanics style!

Hi Stu. Today we were wondering if you could give some advice to David Brent. You see, he attemped a pop career recently, but didn't quite set the charts alight. What can he do to get on top?

Well, I think what David's big mistake was, is that he didn't release the brilliant Freelove Freeway as a single. That is the song that would of gotten him out of second gear and on the road to sucess.

Oh yes, 'hot love on the hot love highway'. A lyric I'm sure you'd agree sums up the entire Life Mechanics philosophy?

Absolutely. That's the kind of song that gives you a green light, when you're stuck at the intersection.

Fantastic. We'll pass the advice on, thanks Stu.

It's A Travesty!
 
I've been alerted to the fact that So Beautiful is not available on any of those perfectly legal music downloading programs. This is probably because no one owns it. But, if you go to his official site, you can download the album or listen to invidual tracks. You can watch the video too!

Ok, I went through my HiT archives and found the original album review from back in July. This is what CA said about SB way back then:

'...Murray has a secret weapon: it is called So Beautiful and it is his own Flame Tress and Wonderwall rolled into one. A love song dripped in hate, it is Murray's classic in waiting. If there is any justice in the world, it will sit at the right end of the charts for weeks and seduce any radio station with a clue'

And this is the single review from this week:

'The kind of love song you probably don't want written about you, this mellow instant anthem is doing exactly what it should: charming people one set of ears at a time and making Pete Murray a Big Deal. 4 and 1/2 stars'


And this kind of brainwashing has come week after week in HiT for the past 7 months. I HAD resisted, but if CA says something's good, well, it must be.

Saturday, January 24

Update To The Post Below
 


So Beautiful has been upgraded to My Favourite Song Of All Time. It's like Oasis Live Forever, Coldplay The Scientist and Liz Phair Little Digger all had a baby. It's fucking brilliant.

What's also good news is that the 3 b-sides are bonza too. This is enough to make get the album tomorrow.

Thanks heaps CA!

Brainwashed
 


I inexplicably bought Pete Murray So Beautiful. I don't even really like it, but there's only so much Cameron Adams, HiT induced, pressure I can take.

: Buy this song.

Me: But I don't really like it.

: Buy it.

Me: No thanks.

: BUY IT.

Me: Ok.

It is SO a Song-heard-in-the-background-of-the-coffee-shop song. I'm not 100% sure I HAVE heard it on Neighbours yet, but if I haven't it's only a matter of time.

Actually, after a couple of listens, it IS rather bonza. It'll be interesting to see where it debuts on Monday.

AMERICAN LIFE:
 


American Idol. Jesus Christ.

- Scooter Girl has to win.
- Unchained Melody Boy - yes, you can sing. But there's no need to be so bloody cocky about it.
- Paula Abdul-Fancied Boy - Ms. Abdul, I commend your good taste!
- Clay Aitken Boy - why would anyone compare themselves (favourably) to Clay Aitken?
- Plaits Girl - I liked her.

Friday, January 23

GARETH'S IDOL JUKEBOX:
 
- Polish Alex, 'I'm Still Alive' - When I saw Alex on World Idol, I knew she'd be a massive legend. But when she sang 'I Don't Know How To Love Him' ('argh!! i don't know how to kill him!! !'), I thought she'd be a massive legend who only sang shit songs, like Grace Jones. Imagine my surprise when I heard this, 'I'm Still Alive', without shadow of a doubt the best thing to come out of the Idol stables, ever. 'I gave you the keys to my new BMW [...] I'm still alive, even though your love is just a lie'. Brilliant.
- Daniel K, 'You Drive Me Crazy' - It's Daniel K Appreciation Day here at Spinme Towers. Daniel K sounds like an effeminate Neil Tennant, singing big band songs, in a German accent, with heaps of spoken word bits. With guffaws at the end. Brilliant.
- Daniel K, 'Heartbeat' - See above. Brilliant.

Well. That's that.

AS KEEN AS MUSTARD:
 
The Neighbours Casting Lady: Someone also sent me a tin of Keen’s mustard saying “I’m as keen as mustard to be an actor.”
Carla Steph: He obviously gave it a red-hot go.
Jan: That was terrible, Carla.

This interview may well be the best thing I've ever read.

TAJWATCH:
 
I have but twenty six episodes of Neighbours to appreciate the pouty-lipped love of my life.

Who am I going to fancy when Taj is gone? The Neighbours boys, they're a sorry lot. There's something wrong with them all.







Stuart (who's nickname is, apparently, Chooka):

Despite the gay sub-plot involving Stuart and The Pope of Life Mechanics, Stuart is stupid, and responsible for the worst Neighbours storyline ever. And that stupid peice of hair stuck to his bottom lip is ridiculous. Somebody should get him to shave it off.



Connor:

Connor is ugly.



Toadie:

So is Toadie.



Boyd:

Boyd is easy on the eye, but he's very young. And he belongs to Sky.



Jack:

Jack is a slut.



I think I might end up making Harold my Neighbours totty.

Taj's Final Days - Sydney Is The New Queensland
 
That's it, it's all winding down now.

Taj is moving to Sydney. The plot is far too retarded to go into, so I won't.

So far, Taj has only told Stu and Toadie he is leaving, so he might still have a day or two left in the street. Then again, there's not really anyone else to say goodbye too. Both of his stalking victims have gone, and who else has he actually interacted with? He crippled Lori of course, but she's in New Zealand.

So, that's basically it. I predict a quiet exit on Monday, with a final farewell shot of a taxi leaving Ramsay St.