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ARCHIVES! EMAIL AWAY! STU TAKES US THROUGH HIS FANTASTIC CAREER CHOICES  'Hello, I'm stu - always taking the freeway to success, always following the speed limit. As you can see, I even wear a helmet whilst driving - that's for just a little bit more saftey, which is always the legal way.  One of the happiest times of my life was when I joined the cult of Life Mechanics I soon got into gear and took a seat in the driving lane of life  My friends were all pretty surportive 
Fame at last! It was something of an irony that the colapse of Life Mechanics forced me to live in my car  Now that I was literally in the parking lot of life, I needed a new direction So I joined The Police 
And now I solve all your pop problems - the legal way!
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Wednesday, March 31
Michael Smackdown: I wanted John Cena, but I could only get Ben Cousins. 
Anyway, he's here to tell you, Stu stylee, to get into gear: - First of all Michael, you say over on Lizjournal that you would never let your daughter be called Liz, and then you say over on the the LP that you don't like Steps. Talk about inappropriate places to express certain views. - WHY exactly did Pete Murray need to be brought up in a post about Patrick Wolf? I think you secretly love him. Or you're just jealous of how fantastic he is. - If you keep going on about how much you love the pink, I'll change it back to grey. Michael Smacks Back: - The Liz comment wasn't very well thought out. You win. - I wouldn't mind Steps shaking their jaunty vibe on our sidebar if it were with their only decent album, Buzz. - WHY exactly did you send me an e-mail advertising Pete Murray's gig at the Metro theatre? - Even you were bored of the grey, you crazy mare! ERGH! STEPS!: WE'RE PINK AGAIN!: Thank fuck for that. Top Five Non-Indie, Non-Political Singular Songs Of The Moment: 1. Busted, 'Air Hostess' - although the video version, with the dreadful chorus line editted out, is much, much better. 2. Scissor Sisters, 'Take Your Mama Out' - you're really growing on me. 3. Basement Jaxx feat. Him Off NSync, 'Plug It In' - JC: who knew? 4. George Michael, 'Freeek! '04'. 5. McFly, '5 Colours In Her Hair' - McFly, despite having a bit of a shit first single, and a painful video, have potential. And one of them is hot. Did I ever tell you about the time when I auditioned for McFl... - YES! YES YOU DID! - Planet Earth. HAVE A DAY! CELEBRATE!: Look! Thanks to us (or so I'd like to think), Patrick Wolf has done a Top Five. And he has an old album and a new album coming out this year, and he's better than Pete Murray! It's a good day... Tuesday, March 30
Hey Everybody Take A Look At Me, I've Got Street Credibilty Well, we had an idea so we had to run with it. After a lengthy discussion about Wham and kickin' it old school, we realised it was time to implement both. Plus, after a month of Indie and Serious Political Discussion, and that hideous grey, it had to happen. Serena & Stingray 4eva 
Remember how Boyd was unbearably awful untill he met Sky and recieved a much-needed dose of the bonzas? Well, now that Serena and Scott are getting together, Serena is....wait for it....likeable. She really is. And even more unbelievably, her and Scott are truly very cute and lovely together. Bless them both. PS. I really like Toadie and Syndi too. EDIT: PPS. So Beautiful is STILL soundtracking the Kennedy's divorce. Monday, March 29
FYI The Darkness debuted at number 41 with I Believe In A Thing Called Love. I have nothing to say. BUT...Pete Murray has finally reached number one with Feeler. Popstars Live 
Is this the least consequential reality pop show ever? It's soooooo crap. But seeing as I wasted 2 hours watching it, I'm going to waste even more time writing about it. It's a tough call as to what was the worst, most cringeworthy moment of the night, but we'll throw up a few contenders: THE GROUP SONG: When something has you longing for a rendition of 'Rise Up' you know it's possibly the most retarded thing ever to hit your tv screen. All the contestants were wearing white jumpsuits and 'dancing' in 'synchronicity' to Pink's Get The Party Started. I had to watch it through my fingers, such was the level of embarrassment I felt for them. TANIA DOKO: Man, poor Renee. Do you know all the horrors Tania Doko inflicted on her after her performance? First of all...she made her HIGH FIVE her. Then she started rubbing her body, calling her 'sensual and gorgeous' and then full on kissed her. It was the worst host/contestant interaction ever. I'd quit on the spot if Tania Doko made me high five her and then stuck her tongue down my throat. AND POSSIBLY THE WORST: I'd still probably say this was the worst moment of the night, because it was the only one that made me want to kill people. Everyone backstage after one guy's performance: 'We've got three words for you - Hot dot com!' God that is so lame. But ok, here's the strange part. I actually like most of the contestants. Maybe it's just my hate for the American Idol contestants showing through, but they're all quite likeable and nice. I feel sorry for them more than anything, stuck on a channel 7 show with Molly Meldrum and Tania Doko. And, I totally have a favourite: 
See, this is something you wouldn't get on Idol, and it's the only thing I can really say that's better about Popstars. Nick and Luke are entering as a duo, AND, they play guitars. They are a guitar-playing duo. I loved Luke ever since his bonza rendition of Radiohead's Karma Police and Nick's pretty bonza in his own right too. It's quite the genius move putting them together as well, because they are going to get more credibility being a guitar-playing duo, and two reasonably attractive guys together is going to double the girl's votes. Hey, they've won me over. Being Popstars though, there is a lame catch - They are called 11. Because '1 & 1 is 11'. I'm just hoping, and assuming, that the judges came up with that. Anyway, I quite love them and hope they win. Not that anyone's watching the show, or caring. I'm Just Going To Re-Post This So We Can Continue Our Conversation. BRING BACK PETE MURRAY 
Oh that's ok, he's already here. Unfortunately - Michael, who's hoping Pete Murray won't make it out of Ramsay Street. I really don't know what your problem with the fabulous Pete Murray is Michael. And watch out, because he'll be coming over to your country soon. His song sounds like a Coldplay song - if there's anything worse than being in Coldplay, it's wanting to be in Coldplay. But, on behalf of the British public, we'd be more than happy to trade you Pete Murray if you're willing to take Peter Andre off our hands - Michael. You obviously haven't listened to the rest of his songs because they sound NOTHING like Coldplay, and even So Beautiful doesn't really. And we aren't taking Peter Andre back AGAIN. We have the good Pete, thank You - Crystal Fess Up 
Who's typing things into Google just to give me cheap thrills? Because yesterday after the 'Lizjournals' search, we got a referral for 'Pirates are bonza'. Now, if there is actually someone else in the world who thinks pirates are bonza, obviously we're to be married at once. But I really have my doubts. SHOPLIFTERS WILL BE PROSECUTED: I love Ebay. Busted CD in the wrong case, never played: 
An ideal gift for somebody who has Busted without a case or an A Present For Everyone case without a CD. May also suit a young, female shoplifter (although I do not condone this sort of behaviour). Sunday, March 28
It's Spread 
I saw Mysterious Girl on the TV this morning. I didn't catch whether it was a 'classic flashback' or a 'new release', but either way it's not right. We couldn't possibly be getting it released here could we? We didn't even get the IACGMOOH series. ******* Who arrived here by typing 'Lizjournals' into google? I think I love you. BRING BACK PETE WATERMAN: 
'When I turn on the news, I'd rather see Kylie Minogue's arse than Saddam 'Ussein's gob. I'd rather have a popstar, talking a load of shit, because at least then you know it's a load of shit'. I wish Pete Waterman was my Grandad. I also wish Pete Waterman would start making fantastic pop music again, instead of arsing about with trains and pretending to care about crap violinists with trendy haircuts. Michael's Top Five Pete Waterman Singles: 1. Dead Or Alive, 'You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)'. 2. Kylie, 'I Should Be So Lucky'. 3. Mel and Kim, 'Respectable'. 4. The Reynolds Girls, 'I'd Rather Jack' - because sometimes I'd rather jack than Fleetwood Mac. 5. Kylie and Jason, 'Especially For You' - Aw. Saturday, March 27
Hot And Not (Again) I NEVER do Hot & Not, but I'm going to follow Michael's as it's 'got me in the mood' as they say. 
HOT: HiT, Jet, Stingray, Ben Cousin's Cove, Ben Cousins jokes, John Cena, The football being back, CA eternally, Lizjournals, Liz, blue hair, Yeah, Heidi Range, Sky, The Js NOT: Sky's blonde hair, The Vines, pop music, Ian Thorpe I can't really think of many things that are not hot. I suppose that's good. SCORCHING: Things That Are Hot: 
McFly; 'When the bell ring's a single the lessons are cool!'; The Darkness's heart-shaped promotional CD (see above); Fearne Cotton - hurry back!; Jemini on Dick and Dom; In Da Bungalow having only two weeks left; Home & Away's direct handling of 'the token gay storyline'; Lizjournals; The Best Song(s) Ever; Kate Bush; The Neighbours Kids. Things That Are Not: V - piss-poor 'boyband with an edge', soon to be sued by Five (you can try and hide it in a Roman numeral all you want - The Love Pavilion sees all); Tim Kash - watching Tim present Top of the Pops Saturday was like seeing someone die, live on television; James Fox; Eurovision - we don't even stand a chance; Popbitch; The Face being shut down - rest in peace; Hayley Westenra; Hiedi Range. Simply The Best 
I typed 'Best Song Ever' (and 'Greatest Song Ever') into our Blogger search tool, to find out every song we'd ever proclaimed to be 'The Best Song Ever Made In The History Of Music'. So just remember.... ....You're The Best!: - Anyone Of Us - Gareth Gates - Baby One More Time - Britney Spears - Not Me, Not I - Delta Goodrem (Emphasised as THE BEST SONG EVER) - If Ya Gettin' Down - Five - No Good Advice - Girls Aloud - You Spin Me Round - Dead Or Alive - Can't Get You Out Of My Head - Kylie Minogue - Lost Without You - Delta Goodrem - Hanky Panky - Madonna - Wannabe - Spice Girls - All I Ever Wanted - Human League - Last To Know - Pink - Double Take - Holly Valance - Pete Murray - So Beautiful - Mono - Courtney Love - I Believe In A Thing Called Love - The Darkness It's really not as many as it could have been. I found a few good quotes included in the posts containing those proclamations. This is only going to make sense to people who read my Lizjournal, and even then you probably won't find it as hysterical as I did: From March 3 last year: 'Radio Journalism is starting. Fingers crossed we have Liz again!' This: 'I hate ballads.' And I liked this because it's true: 'Before George went solo, he was in Wham!, inspiring some of the greatest hardcore rap music of all time.' - Michael Well that was a thrilling trip down memory lane. Friday, March 26
Guitar! - Important Political Announcement. Now, you all know we would never call something the 'Best Ever' if it wasn't. Because that would be exaggerating, and lying. Which we don't do. So you know that this honor really means something. Because the official best song that's ever been recorded, we've decided, is: 
Ever since CA told us we had to love it, and buy it, and it's enjoyed a resurgence on my stereo, it's become clear that it is the greatest song ever made. But I have a strong feeling it's going to debut in the low 20s or 30s. But I will LIVE IN HOPE of a number 1 debut. Let's see. (Michael would like to offer readers his most deepest apologies - Crystal obviously hasn't been taking her medication of late, or else she would have realised that 'Growing On Me' is heaps better than 'I Believe In A Thing Called Love', and that isn't even in The Top Ten Best Ever. We'll see to it that such lies are never published again). We're the funk leaders, punks you can't beat us  There's a song on the J's Hottest 100 - Hilltop Hoods The Nosebleed Section - which apparently came number 9 in the Hottest 100 overall. Now, I'd never heard it till I got the cd. But as soon as I heard it, I loved it. It's a rap song, and it's totally old school. Now I know not many people have respect for Marky Mark, but I do, so when I say this song reminds me of a Marky Mark song, it's a compliment.
So anyway, I got very very obsessed with it. So I thought I'd find out who the dickens these so-called 'Hilltop Hoods' were. I'd just obviously assumed they were from somewhere far away, where good music is made. I thought possibly they were English because of the accents on the song. And then I read the words 'Australian Hip-hop group.' Call me racist against my own country, but if I'd known that I wouldn't of even listened to the song. Those are words that don't belong together. This is apparently them: 
Though that could also be anyone in the world. There really isn't a lot of info on them. But like a good little independent band, they have mp3s to download on their official site. Inside the J's sleeve notes, they've pulled random dickheads off the street to give their opinions on the songs. Dean Simpson says of it: "This song is tight! It's got great rhymes and it's cool how The Hilltop Hoods recognise the peeps in the front row" It IS tight. And highly highly bonza. So even though it's put me off slightly that they are Aussie, I'm still going to continue to love this song. BOYS IN LEATHER KISS GIRLS IN PEARLS: (NOTE FROM CRYSTAL - THIS IS INDEED GOING TO BE THE BEST THING EVER) 
This could well be the best/worst musical ever to go into production. Either way, I'll be booking a ticket. Thursday, March 25
Neighbours Gross Out It was the [[Susan and Lou kiss.]] Though it wasn't as bad as the spoilers said. But still very wrong. Awwww. Stingray bought Serena a Freddo Frog. 
Bless. They actually have really good chemistry. They're the new Sky & Boyd. Also, I don't think I mentioned the good news - Sky & Boyd agreed never to have sex again. Phew. 5 Star Review Alert! It's not often there's a CA five star review, but we've got one today! THE DARKNESS - I BELIEVE IN A THING CALLED LOVE  The most exhilarating, shamelessly commercial rock song since Bon Jovi's Livin' On A Prayer. It's all here: the penetrating pop/rock, the falsetto vocals, the space for anthemic handclaps and singalong, and of course, screaming 'guitar!' just before the solo. Wonderful.
5 Stars - CA Well I concur. I hope it does well in the charts, Growing On Me peaked at number 48 I think. CA crucified the new Vines album so I'm not going to get it anymore. He said Jet are good though so I might get that. I love thinking for myself. Bit Late. POLITICAL EVENT OF THE DAY: The political world is in a state of disarray. People are killing, people are dying. Children are hurting and women - yes, women! - are crying. People are shouting very loud about things George Michael doesn't really understand. Katie Bastarding Melua has sold a shitload of albums. Ask yourself, 'Why?'. I'll tell you why. It's because we've never had a blonde world leader. And this is where you come in. Wednesday, March 24
I'm Not Watching Neighbours Anymore. 
I'm with you Boyd Serena just got accepted for saying her favourite film was My Best Friends Wedding and Boyd got teased for saying Spiderman. That is so screwed up. Damn It I'd just been assuming George Michael debuted at number one this week. 
Obviously numbers 2 and 3 need to move up one each. Who is buying that Triple J-approved John Butler crap? Further Proof: DR. PHIL-OSOPHICAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: 
(Serious politcal intervention - That pic was too giant - C) Is it better to have had a lizbian pop duo who recorded one of the best pop albums of all time, knew their way around a fantastic publicity stunt, then split from their management and were never heard from again, than to never have had a lizbian pop duo at all? BLONDE AMBITION: 
I think the most important issue is how does Sky have dark roots, when her zeb card contests her to be a natural born blonde. Tuesday, March 23
Political Issue Of The Day It's quite a serious one this time. 
It's the election to decide who becomes almighty ruler of the universe - Sky or Heidi. It's a decision that affects us all. They're my two fave girls who's name isn't Liz so I can't decide. Light Hearted Coffee Discussion Let's take a break from all the political discourse to have a lighthearted chat over a cup of coffee. Today we'll be chatting about Sky's New Blonde Hair. Hang on, it's possibly time to revive Coffee Time With Daphne And Celeste while we're at it, so we'll bring them in too. 
So, Sky's new hair, ladies - what do you think? Daphne: Shouldn't Dr Phil be here? No, that was something else. That was 'Dr Phil and Daphne & Celeste's Wacky Adventures'. Daphne: He could still be here though, to chat about Sky's hair! Ok 
Right, Sky's New Hair. CDT: I DO NOT like it at all.
C: It looks way better blue and black, doesn't it? DR. P: It looks totally retarded. D: I hate it! In case you didn't know, us here at George Michael's House Of Politics do not like Sky's hair blonde. It's an important issue and I want a bill passed in parliament to force her to dye it back. DILEMMA (OH!):   
Warning: Serious political issues shall be herein discussed. Like these lovely people, I currently find myself faced with quite a dilemma. I no longer care. About anything. About Bryan leaving Westlife. About Atomic Kitten splitting up. About Courtney Act, who I should love. About George's new album. About Britney being number one for the first time in four years. About the first of the Big Brovaz making a bid to come out with his ghettobility in tact. About Jewel. About Jessica Simpson. About Busted, about McFly. About pop. And I'm blaming it all on Jamie Cullum, the culmination of everything that is wrong with the hideous coffee-table-and-dinner-party affair that the pop charts have become. But it's not all his fault. It's Dido's fault. It's Norah Jones's fault. It's Katie Bastarding Melua's fault. Bland, bland, personality-void drones with guitars and a line in 'meaningful' lyrics. People who buy their soul from Woolworths. Jazz musicians with NME haircuts and Converse Allstars. It's my mum's fault. Something's got to give. (I'm feeling rather poetic and self-indulgent today. I'm also a tiny bit drunk). Monday, March 22
Political Issue Of The Day If there was some sort of election to decide who was the best person with the initials CA, who would you choose? 
It's certainly a tough one, but I would vote: Courtney Act 2 Cameron Adams 1 Christina Aguliera 3 Pop Mechanics With Stu The spirit of Life Mechanics lives on as Stu drops by to help out the world of pop - Life Mechanics style! (We can still have this segment because it is serious and philosophical)  Hi Stu. Today we were wondering, is it always a bad thing, to come runner-up in Idol?
No, not at all. Oh, really? Yes, take Shannon Noll for example. Why's that Stu?  Well his new song is called 'Drive'. It's a fantastic song about cars, and where they can take you. This certainly makes Shannon much better than Guy Sebastian, who sung 'Angels Brought Me Here'. Angels can't take you anywhere, you need a car for that.
Yes, the lyrics are: 'I've got a car, I've got a big black shiny car, Maybe tonight we can go for a ride.' And how does that make you feel? Makes me feel like going for a ride. Then you're on the highway to success. Just like Shannon. Thanks Stu. Next time on this one-joke segment: Stu reviews The Vines new single 'Ride With Me'! It's A Brand New Pavilion As I'm in my twenties now, I told Michael I wanted to close the LP and start a new political blog. He said what we need is a 'thing'. By that I assumed he meant a lovely grey layout and a picture of George Michael at the top. So there we have it. It's all serious adult discussion now, about important issues and the political world. (Michael: Remember not to post any giant pics anymore, because of the new miniature size. And also, big pictures are childish.) TACT: 
It's nice to see that Channel 5 - sorry, five - are being as sensitive as ever in their handling of the gay storyline in Home & Away. Sunday, March 21
THIS MORNING'S POPWORLD: - Del from Scissor Sisters is looking even more beautiful these days. - Nelly Furtado phoning Simon to ask him whether he knew what Lemar's favourite food is was brilliant. - Jamie Cullum's interesting interpretation of Englishness being a man who looks like a small child walloping the shit out of a piano and singing piss-poor jazz songs in an American accent worse than that of Matt from Busted. - McFly aren't very interesting, are they? And The Ugly One doesn't seem as ugly when you see the other three without the benefit of post-production. RE: My Triple J Post I don't even know whether I'm joking anymore. Seriously, the line between reality and sarcasm has blurred. EDITED TO ADD: Ditto the 'I'm really missing Taj' statement. I'm Really Missing Taj Saturday, March 20
Drowned World/Substitute For Love And now, I find...I've changed my mind. This is my religion. 
Just 19 days ago I called the Triple J's Hottest 100 CD 'The most evil compilation CD of all time'. 19 days later I'm calling it 'The greatest compilation album that has ever existed'. Now, while it's slight false advertising - rather than 100 songs, there's only 40 - that's still quite a lot of songs. Quite a lot of bonza songs. Since I've become Triple J's most regular listener and biggest fan I've come to release the error of my ways. They have EXCELLENT taste. Now, what hooks you in is that they put the 4 most bonzerest songs first: Jet - Are You Gonna Be My Girl The Hilltop Hoods - The Nosebleed Section Jane's Addiction - Just Because The Dandy Warhols - We Used To Be Friends But after that, don't think the quality's going downhill. Cos it aint: Radiohead: There There Placebo: The Bitter End Pete Murray: Feeler Chicks On Speed: We Don't Play Guitars Ben Harper: Diamonds On The Inside And there's still another 31 to go! It's like heaven for your ears! I'm so sorry The Js, you were right all along. Happy Birthday To Me I HATE STING, BUT I LOVE STING: Kimya Dawson - Her What Used To Be In The Moldy Peaches - likes Sting. And I consider this to be the most important peice of literature since I Wish I Was Me: while i was at the dentists i had a really amazing experience. this may come as a surprise to those of you who don't know about my from childhood obsession with sting. don't laugh. i have a whole file cabinet full of sting articles and pictures clipped from magazines and newspapers. in high school i had a sting t-shirt for every day of the week. and journals full of poems and letters i wrote for him, and sketches i drew of his face. this whole thing kinda faded in like 92 but today at the dentist something happened. the sandblaster was so loud that i couldn't hear the music. but i could feel the bass inside of myself. and i could feel "every little thing she does with magic" inside of me. only my soul could hear it. and it was magical. and i knew that it was sting communicating with me through the soft rock gods. it was his way of telling me that he thinks i have done good and i shouldn't be sad. i just need to be careful and floss better. I wish the soft rock Gods would communicate with me more often. Friday, March 19
TODD WATCH - AN UPDATE: 
oMg!!!!111 ggit ur handz off ma man u fkn vtch ill; fkn scrstch ur iiiz out u fkn btch u skag sklag!!!!!!!!!11111111 IN OTHER NEWS: With thanks to The Mirror, for possibly the most homophobic article never to be featured in The Sun. Todd has been fighting with his sexuality after getting girlfriend Sally Lou pregnant, but his feelings for Karl overwhelm him. A source said: “When Sarah finds out the dreadful truth it will destroy her”. Beyond the ugly Other Gay, there is nothing 'dreadful' about Todd going wobbly. Quite the contrary - he's delicious. Thursday, March 18
Whoops! Did I forget to celebrate St Patricks day? Better late than never! 
Top 5 Worst Irish Groups Ever: 1. Westlife 2. Boyzone 3. B*Witched 4. The Corrs 5. U2 Run Out Of Britney Lyrics Containing The Word HiT 
Not much to say this week really. George was on the cover, which was good, but CA didn't do the cover story. At first I thought he did, and I got to the 3rd paragraph where the writer called Kenny Goss 'gorgeous'. I thought 'Is CA coming out in this article?' but then I saw it was by Kathy Someone Freaking McCabe and stopped reading. If it's not CA it's not worth your time. CA DID however do the sidebar, with the top 7 most saddest George songs ever, and included a nice pic of Wham down the bottom. Bless him. And that was pretty much it! TOP O' THE 
Happy St. Patrick's Day from Emma Bunton in a Celtic frock! Michael's Top Five Songs By Popstars Who Were Born In Island: 1. Patrick Wolf, 'The Hairy Song' - Patrick is Irish. 2. B*Witched, 'C'est La Vie' - Best Spoken Word Intro That Isn't From 'Miracles Happen' By German Popstars, No Angels: 'Some people say I look like me Da''. Crystal thinks B*Witched are shit. She is wrong. 3. Sinead O'Connor, 'Nothing Compares 2 U'. 4. Buffalo G, 'Really Saying Something' - Take two girls, from Dublin. Make sure one of them has a brother in The World's Most Useless Boyband, and a set of twin sisters in B*Witched. Let them sample a Motown song on their debut hit. Put a famous turkey in their video, and make sure they do lots of gymnastics. You'd think they'd have a hit, wouldn't you? 5. Keith & Shane, 'Girl You Know It's True' - I once saw Keith and his ex-bandmate, Shane perform 'live'. They were wearing hallowe'en masks, and medallions. But they were sampling Milli Vanilli. Wednesday, March 17
Deep Breaths, Deep Breaths... 
An e-mail has just been sent out from Mercury4 confirming that Jarvier has left the band! Now, the ONLY reason I ever loved them was because Jarvier told me he had a dog called Bonza. NOW what do they have going for them? Do any of the others have dogs called Bonza? I don't think so! Mercury4 are going down hill from here! Tuesday, March 16
GUESS WHAT? 
Sky and Boyd are breaking up tonight. Boyd is being a total jerkhead and Sky agrees with me. I'm sure they'll probably get back together tomorrow, but it's still going to be sad. Edit!: False alarm! Awww, they still love each other. It was so cute. Controversy! Disagreement! 
Michael thinks his misheard, made up Courtney Love lyrics are better than the actual ones. Misheard: 'Just like I did Playboy - that was hot, it didn't count!' Correct: 'Just like I did Playboy - that was art, it didn't count!' Now, they're both bonza. But the original lyric is truly clever and hilarious, whilst Michael's made up one is a bit spastic in comparison. That's really all I wanted to say. BEST EARLY-NINETIES CROSSOVER-HIP HOP ALBUM EVER: 
Outkast who? Michael's Top Five Songs Off Of Ooooooohhh...On The TLC Tip!: 1. 'Hat 2 Da Back'. 2. 'Das Da Way We Like 'Em' - 'Chillin' in the crib wit' da docs/Or maxin'* on the couch to a Babyface song'. 3. 'Shock Dat Monkey'. 4. 'Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg'. 5. 'Somethin' You Wanna Know' - 'I'd eat a steak and potato while thinkin' it over later/Leave a tip two quarters and a condom for the waiter'. This probably explains to some extent my ghetto credentials. TLC were ace though, weren't they? * - what in the name of Tionne Watkins does 'maxing' mean? HEY YO CRYSTAL: - 'That was hot' sounds better. The lyrics should have been pink on white, instead of being white on pink. They're hard enough to read as it is. - I haven't bought Patience yet, and probably won't buy it until Thursday, because I don't have very much money. I'd put five pounds on 'Freeek' being the best song on there, though. HEY YO MICHAEL - You weren't listening to me, but your MSN name is wrong. It's 'That was ART, it didn't count'. - What do you think of Patience? Make a post if you like. AN OPEN LETTER TO MS. CRYSTAL: Dearest Crystal, Sting and Stingray sounds like something I would watch. Phone Grundy Television Limited. Now. Michael. xxx Monday, March 15
Stingray's Greatest Hits: Episode 2: 
Romance is alive and well in a Ramsay St: Stingray: What do you do for a cack? Serena: What? Stingray: Maybe we could go out sometime. I could find a car, we could go for a burn. Serena: Err.. Stingray: Do you have a boyfriend? Serena: Not that it's any of your business.. Stingray: What's his name? Serena: No. I don't have one. Stingray: What, are you frigid or something? Serena: Ok, bye. Stingray: Come on, we could go out! Serena: Yeah, when hell freezes over. Stingray: Mole. Serena then described him as a 'Fully disgusting guy' and 'a bogan'. They are going to become soulmates soon. This was classic Stingray: Stu: Are you eating? Stingray:I don't do gourmet. Stu:....It's cold chicken and salad. I love Stingray. It's The Hot New Sitcom... Sting And Stingray! 
Two similar names, two very different personalities! What happens when these two opposites get together? One likes saving rainforests, the other likes chopping them down to build skate parks! One plays with The Police, the other gets arrested by them! Here are the synopsis for the first 4 episodes: Pilot:  A fling with a member of the Rebecchi clan during Sting's 1988 Australian tour resulted in one thing - trouble! After Stingray's mum dies, Toadie reveals to Stingray his true parentage - then it's off to England to live at Sting Manor!
Stingray's the son Sting never knew he had - or wanted! With skateboard in tow, Stingray turns Sting's life upside down! And Trudie's not impressed! She delivers an ultimatum - either Stingray goes or she does! Sting chooses his new son, so it's a brand new life for the two Sting bachelors! Episode 2: Sting's got yoga class to attend. Only problem is, he can't find a babysitter for Stingray! Forced to bring Stingray along, Sting soon regrets it! Stingray gets them kicked out and Sting almost kicks Stingray out - all the way back to Australia! To get back in Sting's good books, Stingray creates his own celebrity yoga class - Stingray style!
Episode 3: It's Stingray's first day of school, which can only mean one thing - trouble!
Stingray gets in a fight with his form teacher straight away, when she insists on calling him Scott! Meanwhile, events are paralleled in Sting's life when people keep calling him Gordon! Sting decides to home school Stingray - after all, teaching was his first profession! Episode 4: Stingray's got news: he's decided to become a musician! Sting knows this can only mean one thing - trouble!
Trying to put Stingray off, Sting takes him along on tour. But this only encourages Stingray more! But unfortunately, Stingray has not inherited his father's musical talent! How will Sting break this to Stingray gently? After some terrible songwritting endeavors, Stingray realises himself that he should stick to his first occupation - professional skateboarder! Etc.
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THE LATEST CRAZE - MP3 BLOGS!:THANK ME FOR THE MUSIC BANG & BURN INTO THE GROOVE SUPERVIXXEN (Not just mp3s though that one...but digging the Spice vibe)  There are many things that I would like to say to you... WHY NOT CHECK OUT CLAIRE'S FAVOURITE FILM: 'LOVE FOREVER'?  It's all about Blur - and loving them forever! CFBGOESPOP Loves Blur, Hates Oasis. WE.HAVE.PROOF AUSCULTURE Gulity - of being tops! As is: THEIR BIG BROTHER BLOG They've discovered the correlation between Crystal's Love For A Contestant and Likelihood Of Being Voted Out Immediately ZBONZAK Kickin' it old school with a fly '98 tip JONNY'S SITE Possibly written by Ben Affleck. No, definitely. SEX KITTEN Let's stop this religious war guys! Give peace a chance. POPJUSTICE There are no laws at the seaside! I don't know who Sam & Mark are, but I do find that quite hilarious DIRRRTY POP Joining the congregation! SOAP-DISCO Thank you for taking a CA Approved Stance on Morrissey DAMON.COM Some days we're checking out this site, some days we've gone right off Blur again. MORE LINKS TO COME We're not too good for links you know, so please, if you have a site or if I've forgotten it please email the address and I will add it.
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