The Re-Evolution of...:

My internet works again. I'm celebrating my comeback with a round of list-making.

Things That Are Ace:

1. My new best mate, The Glorious Taj Coppin, whose new hair is even better than his old hair.
2. Being back online.
3. Bjork, whose aceness merits a week of celebration, if only for the very acely-titled You've Been Flirting Again.
4. Harry Potter and The Order of the Phoenix, despite being about seven hundred pages beyond my attention-span, and not baring any of mention of Melons B's daughter.
5. Avid Merion, for singing I would even sellotape my eyeball to a seagull, amongst other things.
5.5. Drop The Celebrity, for being the greatest televisual idea ever, and for bringing my beloved Ricardo off The Salon back from the celebrity wasteland.

Things That Are An Absolute Swizz:

1. My Pop Idol audition didn't go very well.

Reasons Why My Pop Idol Audition Didn't Go Very Well:

1. I forgot the words to Tainted Love halfway through, and invented an entirely new second verse.
2. I didn't do a silly dance, or wear a blandly-patterned Ben Sherman shirt, or trousers, or loafers.
3. I wasn't deeply, deeply hilarious, or a screaming, attention-seeking fag.
4. I actually care about pop music, perhaps to a fault.

We shan't discuss this any further.